It’s nearly impossible to go back to work after any long holiday, especially after one of the Patagonia variety.

But this Monday was different.

I sat down at my desk, powered up my computer and began the daunting task of wading through hundreds of emails. I could feel that familiar anxiety begin to ooze back into my system. Suffocating. Drowning. Can’t….do….this.

*Ding de ding* Outlook popped up my reminders. Dismiss…dismiss…dismiss…what’s this? Give Two Months Notice? The skies parted, the sun came out, and I could breathe again. Sixteen months ago, I had chosen today to formally communicate my departure date of February 28, 2014. Well then. I CAN do this…for two more months.

I started composing clever emails to my team lead. Before I left for Patagonia, we informally discussed me quitting. Maybe it’s not the smartest to express your honest intentions to your lead before the holidays, bonuses and raises, but I trust and respect P-Sween. He’s at least 75% of the reason I stuck around for eight years. I couldn’t just spring this on him, and every time we spoke I felt like a liar keeping a huge secret, so I told him.

He knew this was coming. I started typing. Let’s do this. Delete. It’s time. Delete. Today is the day. Delete. Writer’s block. I decided to distract myself by going through my office mail, starting with an official looking letter.

WTF?!?! A $335 traffic ticket from Tucson for turning right on red in November!!? Well thank you SO much National Rental Car for helping the city of Tucson track me down.

Just add it to the list of other unforeseen expenses that keep popping up ever since I got real about quitting my job. In fact…maybe the universe is trying to tell me something? I mean:

• Madison decided to replace the antiquated sewer system in my neighborhood this summer, ripping up sidewalks along the way. Of course I live on a corner. Still waiting for that bill, but the estimation was not good.
• Last month I took my vehicle in for a routine oil change, which turned into needing rear brakes, which turned into {insert car talk here} , and $$$$ later, I dizzily walked out of Toyota.
• Still no word on the Ford Eco Sport stuck in the Patagonian mud…. $ 😦 $
• I finally replaced my severely cracked windshield in September, only to take a rock to the brand new beauty in December. I thought I was being soooo good by getting the crack filled immediately, but yesterday I noticed it spreading. Sure enough, by the time I got to work, it had spread across the entire windshield and was making squeaky noises to boot. STUPID POLAR VORTEX. What is it with me and windshields? Silver lining: my truck purred like a kitten when I started it yesterday morning after sitting outside for two weeks in the middle of this Wisconsin freeze. Money well spent somewhere, I guess.

I just hope my 100+ year old home makes it through the polar vortex unscathed. Not sure how much more crap I can take before the universe wins. Knock knock. I grunted a miserable acknowledgement, still glaring angrily at my traffic ticket. P-Sween opened the door.

Yesss. You’re still alive. What the heck, did everyone think I was going to die in the wilderness?

Ha, yes. I am.

Still leaving?

Screw you universe.

Yes I am. 

Alright then. Send me an email so we can get the process started. 

Well, that was easy. And the countdown begins: 8 weeks until unemployment.