here’s why you need to stop telling me to get over it

America? America? Are you there? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU??

I get it. You’re sick of seeing your Facebook feed fill up with people expressing their feelings. You think everyone should stop whining and go back to celebrating the Cubs World Series win, their babies and puppies, and all the stupid funny mindless shit that we all love and hate Facebook for. You want to go back to wasting your time scrolling through garbage instead of reading things that force you to think. I totally get it. I’m not happy about the state of Facebook either. I wish all I had to write about were picture frames and happy memories. But your apathetic stance is everything I fear. Your inability to see what is happening, why people are still talking, why people care, that is exactly what motivates me to write in the first place.

Example post – to be fair, his was the MOST respectful one I saw.

This is one of those posts that I read and I get what he is trying to say, I do. The more we chatted, it became clear he was specifically referring to the less thoughtful posts, the ones that sort of feed into the hate. But maybe “whining” wasn’t the best choice of words. Throughout this election, I feel like words themselves have just lost meaning. Words are no longer chosen carefully, not by our peers, not by our President-Elect, not by people trying to have intelligent discussions, especially when they disagree. People just say whatever they want, expecting no consequence. As a lover of words, this hurts me. If we can’t say what we mean, and mean what we say, we’re doomed.

Whine, defined

People speaking up for what is right, calling for change, expressing their disappointment in the character of our future President of the United States, that is not whining. People reaching out, telling their Muslim friends, their LGBTQ friends, their black friends, their lady friends, their friends, that they see them, that they care? That’s just free speech. And love. And words that need to be said. These are not feeble and petulant complaints. These are genuine, deep feelings. There is a difference. And as a woman who was speaking out (and loudly), I find this particular choice of words offensive.

Also, this was posted on Wednesday, less than 24 hours had passed since the face of America had changed. Maybe not so much for me, maybe not for you, and definitely not for every straight, white, male out there. But for a lot of people. I mean, what did you think you were going to find on Facebook the day after?

This is a big deal. People are protesting in droves against their President-Elect. People are legit fearful of their President-Elect. Does that mean anything to you? How many President-Elects before today have caused such a negative reaction, resulted in such fear and despair across the country? How many President-Elects have inspired so much open hate? This isn’t like your favorite team losing the World Series. This isn’t about which college football team deserves to play in the Rose Bowl, in the National Championship. This isn’t about my team losing. This isn’t about teams at all. It’s not about red or blue or left or right or any of the things that it seems so easy for some people to boil it down to.

Ryan is a friend, a military man, a neighbor, and a legit socially conscious dude. And we were actually able to talk about how his words affected me in a thoughtful, intelligent way. I was able to see what he was trying to say, he was able to see my point of view. Amazing how that works, eh? And for the record, he is NOT a Trump supporter.

Or what? What is the alternative? I am glad you asked. NOT staying silent, NOT accepting what is happening in America. Speaking out, volunteering our time, donating money, calling your representatives, your congressmen, promoting love, advocating for change. Give me a call, let’s work together on my very, very long list of alternatives. 

But at the same time, this apathetic view of what is happening in the world around us is what scares me. This is NOT something to just accept and move on from, unless you are okay with a President-Elect who says he wants us to come together, but still has not addressed all of the hate crimes, open displays of violence as a result of his election. And please don’t send me videos of people bashing Trump supporters. I have seen them, and yes they are awful. I am not excusing their actions. Because I am talking about ALL OF THE VIOLENCE. All of the hate.

Including the words “Fuck N*ggers,” “Fuck All Porch Monkeys,”Whites Only” accompanied by the name of our noble Prez-Elect, smeared all over the locker of a student of color in Maple Grove, MN. Only they didn’t use a asterisk. They actually meant it.

I will not “get over” this.

Including these signs posted in a Florida High School:

I will not accept this.

Including these words spoken to a black man at a gas station:

This is Real Life.

Including this chant of white power  by white students walking down the halls at York Tech High School in PA. Please watch this. It is horrifying.

Including men, LITTLE BOYS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, who think it’s okay to grab vaginas now. Little ears can hear what you are saying! They HEAR YOU.

Many of these kids are learning from their parents. They hear what their parents are saying. And they are listening. Because their parents actually believe it IS okay. Parents of the world, it’s up to you to teach your little guys that this shit ain’t cool. To teach your little ladies to SPEAK OUT if this happens. To stand up for themselves. I do not envy your job.

Including students bringing deportation letters for their Latino classmates, making a human wall to not allow students to pass:

As a former English teacher in a inner-city Milwaukee high school, where 95% of the students are black or Latino, where I tried to teach tolerance and acceptance, lead by example, my heart is breaking in a million pieces. For everyone.

Including a deaf woman who was told to take her “retarded self and go somewhere else now. Trump is president now.”

For this, I have no words.

Including this message, painted over a sign expressing love and acceptance, essentially stating, yeah, we’re not interested in “coming together” to build YOUR version of a better tomorrow.

This is the America we chose? I will fight for a better America. Will you?

Including the words “Seig Heil 2016,” that were spray painted across a South Philadelphia storefront window, along with a swastika. The vandalism was discovered on the 78th anniversary of Kristallnacht. For those of you who don’t know what that word is, what  that word means, I urge you to look it up. Because it means so much more than the night of Nazi attacks on Jewish-owned businesses at the onset of the Holocaust. So.Much.More.

As a descendant of Polish immigrants, as someone who has visited Auschwitz in person, as someone who found herself staring face to face with a Kowalski on a wall, a wall of the dead, of the murdered just for being Polish, this hits me particularly hard.

(There are unfortunately waaaay too many more examples, and for those of you who haven’t, I urge you to check out Shaun King’s Twitter page.)

You can say this is not Trump’s fault. Fine. You can say that.  But please ask yourself…was this happening before he was Prez-Elect? Why do you think it is happening now? Why do you think people think it’s okay to express such hate, such intolerance, such bigotry?

And don’t tell me, “But he addressed it during his acceptance speech. He said, we need to come together!” You can’t lead the campaign he did for over a year, filled with underlying, if not overtly racist messages of hate, bigotry, misogyny, preying on the xenophobic fears of Americans, and then say, “Hey man! I won! Let’s all be friends and come together now!” in a speech written by someone else, and consider it “addressing the issue.”

Oh, wait, The Donald did address this. Sort of.

Also, a very mature post by our President-Elect.

But let’s give credit where credit is due…he did also Tweet this, after someone on his team mostly like slapped his hand a bit horrified and said, “Yo, you gotta do better now, you’re practically the President. It’s sort of your job to listen to the people. ALL OF THE PEOPLE. Not just your supporters.”

DUDE. That’s like asking the court to strike something from the record in a murder trial and expecting the jury to pretend they never heard it. WE STILL HEARD YOU. But worse, your loyal followers got your message the first time.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Well said, Maya Angelou.

I am not willing to accept this as the America I live in. It is people like me, it is people like my friend Ryan, it is the Me’s and the You’s that need to be absolutely outraged by these hateful, racist, bigoted, xenophobic, misogynistic (and yes, I will use these words in every single post until everyone figures out what they really mean, especially in today’s America), very public outbursts by our neighbors, by people that call themselves Americans. Because if THAT is what it means to be American, I no longer know what the hell I am. But it ain’t that.

So yeah. Stop telling me to get over it.



23 thoughts on “here’s why you need to stop telling me to get over it

  1. I love this article. Good read!

    I find it so unbelievably satisfying that we tolerated 8 years of incessant bitching & moaning from conservatives, and now they can’t even handle 5 minutes of ours. It puts an everlasting smile on my face! For a group of people who claim to be anti-PC & want everyone to stopped getting offended, they sure do get offended a lot. I mean, come on now. We say ONE thing about Trump & they immediately start kicking & screaming! They don’t care if you’re Democrat, Libertarian, Green Party, Independant, Nonpartisan. If you don’t agree with them, you’re a “special snowflake LIBTARD la la la I can’t hear you la la la I’m right you’re wrong nana nana boo boo!”

    You’re a patient person & I wish I could be more like you, but I’m done trying to reason with these people. Let them bury themselves! I’ll be there watching with a bowl of popcorn & a tall glass of wine.


  2. Well said. I don’t think I disagree with anything here.

    In the end, misunderstandings about my original Facebook post came down to semantics; about how I think of the word whine and how I personally define it. Trump protestors taking up arms [metaphorically speaking] and speaking up for themselves or their friends is not what I call whining. It is what I call admirable, noble.

    Even if I don’t get off the sofa or barstool, I am inspired by those who have not only the principal but the motivation to get out and speak and fight and not be apathetic. And even if I don’t get off that barstool, it doesn’t mean I’m apathetic. I’m apathetic about a lot of things– which budget pizza delivery to order tonight, going to that concert on Thursday, the ridiculous amount of money I spent on beer last night– but the tiny carrot of a man that was elected president and what it means to our future is not one of them.

    Keep up the good fight, and thanks for keeping it classy.


    1. I have so much respect for you. Thank you again for letting me use our interaction as an example. I knew you wouldn’t “unfriend” me…adults who have a difference of opinion should still be able to discuss them in a respectable manner, and that you did, to every person. You have no idea rare that is. Or maybe you do 🙂


  3. Funny, You see hate posted annomously by who knows whom, and think it is all Trump Supporteres, I see hate videos posted by people trying to keep folks from excersizing their political rights to attend rallys, then I see videos of DNC hirees talking about starting this violence. I wonder how many of the hateful KKK type of things were actually posted by the DNC afiliates to ensure Trump never had a real chance. Yes I am sure these things got Trump some votes from some of the most detestable people on earth, BUT Hillary in my opinion is Satans handmaiden. She has been posted on vdeos saying she has a Public personna and a out of public view personna, which means she[‘ll say what ever needed to shut us up and do as she wishes. You don’t like Trump? Well I don’t either, BUT he was the only chance I had to keep that four flusher outta the presidential office. You want to ensure that America stay a safe an warm place to be? Become politically active in what you disagree with. I hate that Americans have become so frightened that they can’t talk about true beliefs for fear of Liberal ridicule, I hate that I am forced to buy insurance that I won’t need at to high a price. I see how our elected officials have turned into pandering idiots for any and every cause that can possibly be. Keep boys in boy bathrooms an girls in girl bathrooms, I don’t care if you Identify with being the opposite gnder I have a right to pee with my gender and not have to worry about a man peeing with my female relatives. Force feeding me bullshit that I can’t tolerate will cause me to find a way to stop being pushed. Trump was it.


    1. But come on, you can’t blame every act of hate on some conspiracy. Shoot, I walked from Georgia to Maine last year. Ain’t nobody telling me racism ain’t alive and well. Now it just has a political voice.

      And I don’t to get all weird about your gender statement, but what you don’t understand is transgenders don’t identify with the gender they are born with. So a woman born with man bits is just as confused as to why she can’t use the ladies room as you are as to why she should be able to. Oh, and hey-o, last time I checked, the ladies rooms all have stalls. Not lined up toilets where everyone can watch everyone do their business. So really….what’s the difference between a door and a stall? Your womenfolk will be fine. Peace 🙂


  4. But didn’t you Americans follow your political system and end up with the President Elect you deserve? Crying into your cornflakes isn’t going to help, if the system doesn’t produce the right result, then change the system.


  5. Thank you for sharing this Tosha, Overhere in Europe everybody tries to tell themself it’s not gonna be that bad after all, but let’s hope this doesn’t set the pace for the upcoming elections here, but wakes people up to make sure we take a different course!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You can use those words all you want and change their definition to suit your narrative, but the fact of the matter remains that misogynist or not this vote for president wasn’t a popularity contest between trump and hillary. This entire election has been who was the least popular person. And apparently more people disliked hillary than there were that disliked trump.

    To further call these people misogynistic, bigoted, racist, sexist or otherwise after we just elected a black man to be president two terms in a row is simply absurd and outlandish to say the least.


      1. People that chant that crap are themselves crap! It’s disgusting, disrespectful and disgraceful. But people spewing that hate barely understand any of those words.


  7. Holy shit. The fact that people have come here just to attack you further is a sign of something truly vile. When Trump and these mean-spirited people eventually lose support, we should kick them out or hope they leave.

    But we won’t. Because we’re bigger than that. Because we care about the rights of all people, not just our like-minded friends.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The voice of reason has spoken. Thank you for this intelligent discussion. Thank you for the effort you put into choosing the words to represent yourself. It says a lot. Oh, and I won’t be leaving any time soon. I will spend the rest of my days standing up to people like you.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. You know what, kmk123? You’re a no-life little troll who’s deluded enough to spew all that hatefull bullshit about this article. FYI, tosh is right about what she posted. But by claiming her to be whining and telling her to leave this country, you’re the very type of person who you blamed her to be.

      So if you can’t handle this article like an grownup, THEN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, GET THE HELL OVER WHAT SHE POSTED, AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS COUNTRY!!! I’m sick of people like you hiding behind free speech and actin’ all Darwninist and shit! If you want free speech, USE IT RESPONSIBLY!!!

      After all, tellin’ others to get over anything goes to show what an insensitive cunt you are. I mean, how the fuck would you like it if you’re going through a big crisis and someone tells you to get over it?


    1. Care to not be Anonymous? And elaborate on my non-facts? If I am wrong, ever, I am the first to admit it. So come out of hiding, and let’s chat like adults.


    2. And one more thing. Acknowledging the state our country is in, the horrific acts against people that occurring, because they are black, white, Muslim, ANYONE, that is not “spewing forth my own race and hate baiting.” That is acknowledging something is terribly wrong, and asking that we do something to fix it. I am calling for change. A better America. Not more hate. And you and me, we can work together, I don’t care who you voted for. Unless you’re okay with this hate. Then you are exactly who I am fighting against.


  8. PREACH. Apathy is the most terrifying thing. We have to take what we’re feeling now and turn it into action, and we also have to allow ourselves time to grieve. And others have to let us. It is vitally important for all of us to now get involved. I’ve been staying off social media so these posts above were the first I’ve seen, and they are absolutely horrifying. I’m going to get involved with my local chapter of Stand Up for Racial Justice which is an organization founded by white people to ensure that there is consistent, ongoing racial justice organizing by white folks. We own the results of this election and we also own making sure we are part of the solution.


Talk to me, Goose.

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